I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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