I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
