my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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