Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Panties = found
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