careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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