Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
