it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They have beer where we have blood.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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