giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
