i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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