The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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