how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
