So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
