And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize