I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
