MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
