we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have fence marks all over my body
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
