We named our party play list daddy issues
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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