I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
