I smell stomach acid.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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