I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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