as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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