I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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