Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
