I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
