Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
