Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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