i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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