I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
