dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
