I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
