I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
