I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
