Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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