Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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