He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
