put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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