have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the day after is always just damage control
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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