happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let's paint friendship bongs
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
