while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
