He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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