Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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