She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
