Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
