I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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