You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
