Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
