I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I forget how to act sober
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
