also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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