last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
