if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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