My friends, they love my intelligence
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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