You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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