Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
