I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize