Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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