official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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