my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
