I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
