Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize