Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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