I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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