when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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