I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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