My hand turned me down
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
